Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
