so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
