he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
