She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
