This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
