It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
