STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
