sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
