i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize