I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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