Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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