he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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