With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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