Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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