I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
