I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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