is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
