just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
