The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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