Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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