dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
