ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
