I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
