Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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