Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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