I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
