apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
