Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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