so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
