Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
