Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
