Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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