I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
