Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize