It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
