My boss' voice literally gives me gas
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
