She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
