Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
