My room smells like vodka and shame
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
