This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
