is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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