Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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