I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
