So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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