that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
