Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
