everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
