I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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