those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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