New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize