So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize