girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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