if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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