The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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