You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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