her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
