chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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