Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
