my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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