There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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