He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
