I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
