I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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