it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
