took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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