So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
