After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
