Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize