its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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