So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
