I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
